Sunday, May 22, 2005

Irony abounds

Well, I couldn't help but notice some strange ironies and coincidences as I was reading over some of the today's news articles, so I decided to post up some of these things...

So, Laura Bush was protested while she was in Israel. Big surprise. Ironically, on the same day, Ariel Sharon was protested during his visit to NYC. Interesting little juxtaposition, there. On the other hand, Sharon was protested for his proposal to withdraw from the Gaza Strip and partially withdraw from the West Bank. Whoo, way to go dude! Bitch Bush, on the other hand, was protested because... well, think about it. She's married to W, what further reason do you need?

It was great, though, because the Israelis protested her in some locations because of Jonathan Pollard being sentenced to life imprisonment for being a spy, and then in other locations she was protested by Palestinians because... well, her husband killed a bunch of Muslims. Not much more to say than that.

I sometimes wonder if these AP writers intentionally throw in a bunch of ironic juxtapositions, or whether it's just purely coincidental. Either way, they sure throw me some gold. Check out this quotation from the AP article about LB in Israel:

At her stop nearby at the Dome of the Rock, she faced heckling from angry Palestinians. One man yelled, "How dare you come in here! Why your husband kill Muslim?"

As she moved into the Palestinian territory, she said the both sides in the conflict sent her the same message. "We're reminded again of what we all want, what every one of us pray for," she said. "What we all want is peace."

Seriously, I can't make up shit like this.
"Your husband kills people all the time!"
"All we want is peace."

Well, while LB was working to show just how much we care about brining peace to the world and all you poor little brown people, the US Army was out backing up her claim. A joint U.S. - Iraqi force of about 2,500 launched a major offensive in Baghdad to eliminate the continued insurgency that's been claiming so many lives in recent ... okay, not recent, exactly. Here's the thing. Okay, we want peace. Okay, we're rounding up and killing a bunch of people to achieve that peace. I can accept that, that's pretty much our modus operandi at this point, and honestly I'm not sure what the fuck else we could be doing to work for peace, other than building a time machine and going back a few decades to kick Barbara Bush in the stomach, but that's probably not a reasonable request.

My point, however, is this. A major offensive. Against insurgents. In Baghdad.

Remember "Mission Accomplished"? GHA YOU STUPID FUCKERS.
If we're still fighting major offensives against insurgents in the CAPITAL FUCKING CITY OF THE COUNTRY WE FUCKING INVADED....

Fuck it.

Now, for a little more levity. Apparently, dermatologists and cancer experts are now starting to say that in fact, sunshine is good for you and is likely to prevent cancer. They're saying that being out in the sun a few times a week without sunscreen is now good for you, and in fact wearing sunscreen all the time increases your likelihood of cancer.

Anyone listen to Lewis Black? The White Album? Crisco? Okay, just checking.

So anyway, apparently Vitamin D just happens to be the most important Vitamin in fighting and preventing cancer, and lo and behold the best way to get D is from sunlight. In fact, the milk that you drink and oily fish you eat adds only miniscule levels of D to your bloodstream, so sunlight is the most important way of getting some D in your blood. Not only that, but those multivitamin supplements you take usually only have trace amounts of D in them, and they're the [much] less potent form of it, and really the Vitamin A in them almost completely off-sets the benefits of the little bit of D you get.

"First eggs were good, then bad, then good, then bad, now the yolks are good but the whites are --- AAAAAAHHH! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" --Lewis Black

Now, the whole skin cancer thing -- apparently melanoma, the most deadly form of skin cancer (a very relative term in this case) only causes less than 8,000 deaths a year, while the lack of Vitamin D cause by never getting any natural sunlight without sunscreen probably accounts for a lot more deaths than that. HA! And the forms of cancer most associated with tanning are even less deadly than melanoma! HAHAHA!

Seriously though, next time a doctor tells you something is bad for you, kick him in the junk. If it seems like they're telling you something's bad for you, and it seems to you like it's good for you, more and more it's looking like you're probably going to win that bet.

And, final item of the day, the last little amusing story, comes from Germany. You know how funny Germans are, right?

This story is going to get filed under the "Goddamit I wish our politicians were like that" column.

Gerhard Schroeder is calling for early elections because his party didn't do very well in the local elections held in their area of strongest support. Schroeder had this to say: "With the bitter election results for my party in North Rhine-Westphalia, the political basis for the continuation of our work has been called into question ... For the continuation of the reforms, I believe clear support by the majority of Germans is essential." (Source: AP)

I seriously can't fucking believe that. I really, seriously, can't fucking believe it. Seriously. For real.
Maybe I've been jaded and turned bitter because of the state of American politics, but can you believe this? "Hey, looks like you guys don't like me. Lets hold an election to see about it." Whereas here, whatever you can do to avoid having a [real] election is fair game.

Fuck, man. If only things were a little bit different....

Okay, a lot bit different.

That's it for now. Ciao till next time, kids.


Post a Comment

<< Home