Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Welcome to Texas, FUCKER!

Yeah, so I've been here for... what, less than two months now, right?

Motherfuckers just passed a smoking ban for downtown Austin.


Ghaaa! Liberal whore fuckers!

Okay, so the Daily Show has featured coverage of Texas several times in the last couple weeks, which really should be worth commenting on, I suppose. So, here we go:

1. Welcome to Texas. Are you a fag? Don't plan on adopting anytime soon!
Yeah, awesome move, Texas Congress. So it's a baaad idea for "the homosexuals" to be adopting foster kids, eh? That makes sense, yeah. Because CPS (Child Protective Services) isn't already underfunded, understaffed, and overworked as it is, so now it would be a good idea to eliminate a large percentage of possible candidates for adoption. Ah, fuck 'em! It's not like those kids would be better off under the pseudo-parental care and guidance of a stable couple with a steady income, would they? I mean, we all know that homosexuals are inherently violent and heathenistic Bacchanists, and that's no situation for a child to be raised in. Would you really want your kids to be raised in a household where the parental figures aren't even married? (I know, I know, we passed a bill a couple weeks ago expanding the ban on homosexual marraiges to include a ban on civil unions for ANY couples, gay or straight, but that just proves the point!) Wouldn't it be much better for children to grow up in a CPS facility, with no parents whatsoever, and the only parental influence coming from state workers paid to supervise them for 8 to 10 hours shifts? Now THAT is the kind of stability a young child needs, not the queer kind!
Riiiiiight.
My favorite was the Senator saying that he waouldn't want his children raised in that type of environment.
Senator Dumbfuck, a question from the constituency, if you'll allow it?
Yes, constituent?
Yes, Senator Dumbfuck, I was just wondering, do you beat your children a lot? Do you have an unstable home? Is it unsafe for your children to be around you?
Why, no, constituent, my children are perfectly safe and happy in their home.
Ah, Senator Dumbfuck, a quick followup, if you will?
Certainly, constituent.
Yes, Senator Dumbfuck, I was just wondering, do you understand what foster-care means? Because the whole reason children are placed into FOSTER CARE is to get them out of situations where they're being abused, etc. Therefore, you are a dumb motherfucker, and don't understand what you're talking about.
Why, yes, constituent, I believe you are right. I shall proceed to go chop off my testicles in a sincere act of contrition!

GHA! Idiots!
2. Welcome to Texas. Are you an aspiring slut? Well, for the love of God, don't plan on becoming a fucking cheerleader!
Yes, a Democrat in the Texas House recently proposed a bill banning cheerleading of an overtly sexual nature. Cheerleading. Of a sexual nature. In Texas. Home of the Dallas Cowboys, and more importantly, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.
Question 1: Are you fucking kidding me?
Question 2: A DEMOCRAT? WHAT THE FUCK? Let me back up for a second. Hmmm, yes... mmm-hmmm. Yes. Okay. Yep, well I see. A FUCKING DEMOCRAT? WHAT THE FUCK?
So, yes, this "Democrat" proposed a bill banning overtly sexual cheerleading, so high school girls across the state will now have to save their bump and grind moves for after the football game, and creepy old men will have to go back to downloading child porn (Seriously, whatever happened to Pete Townsend?) And the real kicker is, the fucking thing passed. Oh well, it won't even get to the point of being voted on when it comes to the State Senate anyways, so what's it matter, right?
Oh, oh, oh! I remember now why it matters! BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FUCKING ELECTED OFFICIALS AND YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN PROPOSE VAGUELY WORDED LEGISLATURE WITH THE FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT IT HAS NO CHANCE OF BEING ENACTED INTO LAW, AND YOU'RE BEING PAID TO DO THAT INSTEAD OF DOING YOUR ACTUAL FUCKING JOB! Yeah, I guess that's why it matters. You leeching whores.

Alright, that's enough for now, time for me to go to work.
Later, kids.

2 Comments:

At 11.5.05, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 17.5.05, Anonymous Stan said...

Blogs are gay. Stop making yours insightful because I don't want to read blogs.

 

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